Sis, I'm Not Your Therapist: Why Emotional Dumping Is NOT Friendship—And How to Set Boundaries Like a Healed Woman of God
There’s a difference between confiding in community and consistently unloading emotional chaos on someone else. One honors the friendship. The other drains it dry. Too many Black women have become the unofficial therapist, savior, and emotional sponge for people who offer little to nothing in return.
Let’s call it what it is: emotional dumping. And sis? That is not friendship. That’s dysfunction wearing a sisterhood mask.
What Is Emotional Dumping?
Emotional dumping is when someone repeatedly pours out their stress, trauma, or problems onto another person, without consent, without boundaries, and without reciprocity.
It sounds like:
“Can I vent real quick?” (…and then it turns into a 3-hour trauma dump.)
Constantly coming to you in crisis, but ghosting when life is good.
Getting defensive when you try to offer solutions, or when you can’t listen that day.
It’s not sharing. It’s offloading, and it creates an unhealthy dynamic of one person always being the emotional mule.
Why It’s NOT Friendship
Let’s be clear:
Friendship is mutual.
It’s safe and sacred.
It’s supportive, not suffocating.
If your role in the relationship is always “therapist” but never “friend,” that’s not a friendship. That’s emotional labor disguised as love.
You weren’t created to be someone’s trauma bin. You were created to carry the fruit of the Spirit, not the weight of someone else’s unchecked baggage.
Emotional Dumping vs. Godly Vulnerability
There’s holy transparency—and then there’s trauma spiraling.
Godly Sharing
Comes with consent
Invites prayer & wisdom
Has mutual vulnerability
Honors your time & space
Emotional Dumping
Happens anytime, anywhere
Vents with no accountability
One-sided and repetitive
Drains your energy consistently
How to Set Boundaries Like a Healed Woman of God
Recognize your role
You’re not her therapist, savior, or emotional sponge. You’re her friend, and that role has healthy limits.Ask the Holy Spirit for discernment
Some “friendships” are assignments… but not all assignments are yours. Know when to intercede and when to intercede from a distance.Set verbal boundaries
Say it with love, but say it clearly:“Sis, I love you, but I don’t have the capacity to hold this right now. Have you thought about talking to a therapist?”
Offer what’s healthy, not what’s heroic
You can support her through prayer, accountability, and presence without becoming her anchor.Know when to release
If she refuses to respect your boundaries, that’s not rejection—it’s redirection. Let her go in peace and guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23).
Final Word
Jesus carried the weight of the world so you wouldn’t have to.
You can love people deeply without losing yourself in their emotional chaos. You are called to guard your peace, protect your purpose, and build connections that reflect the Kingdom, not chaos.
So next time, someone tries to dump without your permission?
Let them know—with grace and gumption:
“Sis, I love you… but I’m not your therapist.”