Is She a Sister or a Distraction?
There’s a truth I’ve had to confront recently—one that left me praying more, journaling harder, and searching the Word with a heavy heart:
Not every woman I’ve called “sister” was sent to walk with me.
Some were sent for a season, others for a lesson. And then, if I’m really honest, some may not have been sent by God at all—they were allowed by God, but not aligned with where He was calling me to go. That’s a hard pill to swallow when your heart is loyal but your spirit is conflicted.
The Weight of Misaligned Connections
Friendship is a gift. Scripture celebrates sisterhood and godly community:
“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9 (CSB)
“Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2 (CSB)
But what happens when a connection becomes a constant source of confusion? What do you do when the person you once called your sister now feels like a stumbling block?
Let’s be clear: not every distraction is loud or obviously harmful. Some distractions come dressed in loyalty, history, and comfort. They’re people we’ve cried with, served with, and laughed with. And yet, if we’re honest, we can feel that something has shifted. That connection that once felt safe now feels spiritually heavy.
Biblical Signs of a Godly Sister
A sister in Christ doesn’t have to be perfect—none of us are—but the fruit of the relationship should reflect the character of Christ. Here are a few markers of a spiritually aligned sister:
She encourages your walk with God, not your drift from Him.
She lovingly corrects you when needed (Galatians 6:1).
She builds you up, not just emotionally, but spiritually (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
She respects your boundaries and supports your obedience.
She challenges you to become—not just remain.
A true sister sharpens you:
“Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17 (CSB)
How to Spot a Distraction (Even a Well-Meaning One)
This part can feel harsh—but hear me with your heart:
Some people, though well-intentioned, become distractions simply because they are no longer aligned with where God is taking you.
You leave conversations feeling drained, not refreshed.
Your convictions feel silenced just to keep the peace.
You’re pulled toward people-pleasing over God-pleasing.
You feel spiritually stagnant when you’re around her.
Your discernment gets foggy, and your prayer life suffers.
Even Jesus withdrew from certain environments when faith and alignment were missing:
“He did not do many miracles there because of their unbelief.” – Matthew 13:58 (CSB)
“Yet He often withdrew to deserted places and prayed.” – Luke 5:16 (CSB)
Friendship Should Never Compete With Obedience
I’ve had friendships I deeply loved—but they consistently competed with what God was calling me to do. Whether it was emotional co-dependency, spiritual imbalance, or just growing apart, I had to come to a hard realization:
Obedience to God can’t take a backseat to loyalty to people.
God never calls us to cling to connections that compromise our convictions. That includes friendships. That includes “sisters.”
We often think the enemy only distracts us with romantic relationships, but sometimes it’s the sisterhood we never questioned that’s been pulling us out of position.
When It’s Time to Release, Do It in Love
Letting go doesn’t mean bitterness. It doesn’t mean dishonor. It means you recognize that peace, purpose, and growth require space—and sometimes separation.
“Let us lay aside every hindrance and the sin that so easily ensnares us.” – Hebrews 12:1 (CSB)
I’ve had to pray through tears, grieve quietly, and trust that God would send aligned community in His time. And He has. But I had to release the weight first.
Practical Steps for Discernment
Pray honestly. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal what you can’t see.
Observe the fruit. Not just in her life, but in how the friendship affects yours.
Set healthy boundaries. And see how they respond. True sisters honor boundaries.
Stay in the Word. Scripture has a way of confirming what your spirit is already sensing.
Seek peace as confirmation. God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33).
Final Encouragement
Sis, this walk is hard. And sometimes the weight of letting go feels heavier than holding on. But I promise—your peace, your purpose, and your obedience are worth it.
You don’t need to demonize anyone. You don’t need to gossip. But you do need to be honest with yourself: Is she helping you follow Jesus, or is she becoming a distraction from Him?
If you’re wrestling with this today, know you’re not alone—and God will lead you with gentleness and truth.
Want to go deeper?
Want more reminders like this?
💌 Sign up for the Black Girls Can Heal newsletter for weekly encouragement, scripture-based affirmations, and spiritual healing tools tailored just for you.
Disclaimer 1:
This blog post is based on my personal experiences and prayerful reflections. I’ve been through these moments of discernment, loss, and clarity. This message comes from a place of process—not perfection.
Disclaimer 2:
As always, I encourage you to take everything back to God’s Word. Study the Scriptures mentioned here. Ask the Holy Spirit to speak to your heart and confirm what is true for your walk. Let Scripture—not people—be your ultimate source of wisdom and clarity.